When you look in the mirror, the image you see may not reflect the real you! It may be a collage of what you are “supposed” to look like according to your socioeconomic status, education, and family role. The essence of you — your core — demands a deep sense of self-awareness and integrity. It is different from your perceived identity.
The Personal You, your inner self, reflects self-worth. The Professional You, your money-making self, influences your financial worth. Of course, there is a gap between the two selves. They started their journey at different times, headed in different directions, governed by different job descriptions, and wearing different suits of clothing. Is it even possible to feel like the same person if you don’t share the same mindset, skills, and space?
The Personal You slid into a “supposed-to” suit that covered you from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet the second you were born. The helmet programmed how you think; the sleeves governed what you did; the gloves figured out what you touched; the bodice influenced when your stomach clenched and felt queasy; the pants chose how you moved; and your shoes picked the path you walked. It was a suit of values, beliefs, customs, and traditions that became glued to your body as your cognitive awareness developed. Then, the concrete mixer of society roared to life and cemented your role. Try to break loose, and you may end up in a pile of fractured shards.
The Professional You dresses the part to make money. You are praised when you have a clear, articulate voice (unless you’re speaking against the status quo or something your boss wants you to gloss over) and encouraged to learn and gain new skills (except when your boss wants you to stay put). Some of our paychecks are based on performance, others rely on the customer's whim, and too many of us are stuck in the muck of a bureaucratic system, struggling to swim through all the BS. Gender norms, pressures, and harassment can cause us to feel isolated, stereotyped, discriminated against, and powerless.
Somehow, someway, we need to process our dilemma and move on. Acting against our ethical values causes us to feel an internal disconnect, which, in turn, compels us to try to fix the “wrong.” Since it’s impossible to delete our actions, we start punishing ourselves with negative self-talk, rumination (reliving our mistakes), or giving in to external pressures (professional, social, or familial norms). To increase our personal power, we need to drop this emotionalbaggage. Now, no longer distracted, we can garner our strength and courage and face our fears with vigor.
Closing the Gap
Expand your self-awareness. Say NO to the O-pose (head buried in the sand like an ostrich)! Examine the traits and factors you can use, change, or replace. Name your fear(s). A fear that has a name loses its power over you. Is it fear of rejection and/or abandonment? Fear of losing status? Fear of being unacceptable? Fear of being alone? Fear of losing a promotion? Work on devising a strategy to confront and mitigate the fear.
Practice self-kindness. Treat yourself like you would treat your best friend. Giving yourself top priority opens space to reflect.Remind yourself how brave you are to be vulnerable. Accept yourself. News flash -- you were not designated at birth to be the only perfect person in the world. You are just like all the rest of us: flawed. Accept your flaws as part of you.
Accessing Our Power
The terms “mindfulness” and “meditation” may be used interchangeably, but they’re different. Mindfulness is a practice we can experience wherever we go by noticing what we see, feel, smell, and touch. By focusing on the present moment and tuning out everything else, we can listen to ourselves, strengthen our ability to regulate our emotions and become more compassionate, especially with ourselves. It can serve as a body-and-mind scan, taking our temperature on what we are feeling. Silence and stillness allow our intuition to breathe so we can hear our inner voices. It helps us become less impulsive and make wiser decisions.
Meditation is an exercise that focuses our thoughts and disciplines our bodies. It organizes the mind to prevent mental clutter so we can pay attention to our inner selves. There’s mantra meditation, guided meditation, and transcendental meditation. We can meditate alone or with a meditation teacher in group settings or classes.
When I try to fall asleep, the repetitiveness of mantra meditation—repeating the same phrases repeatedly—corrals the random thoughts in my head. It soothes me by modulating my emotions and focusing my self-talk. Success is when I remember reciting my mantra when annoyed by difficult situations or becoming impatient. I want my inner mind only to have space for thoughts of peace, love, and harmony, but it won’t happen unless I make time and practice.
I know who I am.
I am the one who gets to choose the values that control my moral compass.
