Bystander Trauma
Manya Chylinski was living a “regular person’s life,” working as a contract writer, hanging out, and having fun adventures. She and her friends even scored bleacher seats right smack dab on the finish line of the Boston Marathon. Excited, they cheered and celebrated as runners stepped across the tape. And then suddenly, BOOM!
Their world shattered at 2:49PM on April 15, 2013, when a bomb exploded. Manya’s mind froze in place. She felt alone, an observer, no longer able to hear any noise or see anyone other than a woman standing across the street, in front a broken pane of glass. A few seconds later, the second bomb exploded, exacerbating the fear and confusion.
When Manya finally made it home and turned on CNN, she realized that this was the worst day of her life. She had just witnessed murder and mass destruction. Panic attacks, anxiety, and difficulty functioning set in, and nightmares disrupted her sleep.
Rather than sinking into victimhood, Manya recognized that she needed help. She frantically researched why she was feeling “less than” and “at fault” when she wasn’t physically hurt. She learned that in disasters and mass violence, mental health impacts are widespread—studies estimate that for every physical injury, there are between 4 and 50 psychological wounds.
Unfortunately, issues like post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety, depression, and acute stress reactions experienced by bystanders and first responders receive minimal attention. Manya first did the work to restore her mental health and then pivoted. She became a leadership consultant, working with communities who have been traumatized. Her credentials: Manya’s an ordinary person whose life was turned upside down through no fault of her own. It happened to her — not because of her.
She now works tirelessly with organizations to set up crisis response teams, helping them build a trustworthy work environment. Manya’s podcast, “Notes on Resilience,” focuses on compassionate leadership.
Grandma’s “Supposed-to”
Sofia Risberg, daughter of two teachers, understood at the age of ten that she was “supposed-to” become a family doctor. It was her grandpa’s dream, but not his reality, so Sofia became the appointed one. She jumped on the fast-track and whizzed through high school, got her bachelor’s degree, and set out for medical school to become an M.D. Oops! Wait a minute!
Sofia realized she’d never be able to cut someone open! Okay, she could modify her career goals a bit and get a doctorate instead. Diploma in hand, Sofia called her grandma, and excitedly shared, “Grandma, I did it! I’m Dr. Sofia!” Grandma replied, “That’s nice, dear, but where are my great-grandchildren?” Whoa — Sofia was devastated. What a profound disappointment. All this effort and for what?
She had spent tremendous time and energy trying to fit into a mold that nobody expected her to fit into — she had totally missed the mark. When her moment of clarity hit, she promptly chucked her diploma and pivoted. Time to chart her own course. Sofia set off to explore spiritual practices and peaceful living. She is now a recognized pet intuitive (yeah, she can actually communicate with cows and horses as well as cats and dogs) and an energy healer. She encourages others to take full responsibility of their health and happiness. Sofia has become a doctor of the spirit, living her life through a lens of love. Her podcast is aptly called “Everything in the Name of Love.”
Infertility Opens the Door
It’s tough to use your voice when you don’t know the words! Even though Kathy Mou was born in the US, her family only spoke Mandarin at home, a language rich with meaning but short on vocabulary. When Kathy started school, her struggles with language kept her quiet, always thinking but never speaking. Her inability to communicate undermined her self-worth and self- confidence.
Women’s health was not part of her school’s curriculum. Sex education wasn’t offered. All Kathy knew about having babies was that if you had sex, you had a baby. That’s what happened for her sisters, but when Kathy got married, no baby appeared. Desperately wanting to be a mom but unable to conceive sent her into a spiral of depression and anxiety. She started feeling “less than,” a victim.
Intuitively, Kathy knew something was wrong inside her and dug into the research. Somehow, there must be a way she could improve her body so it could conceive — biologically through nutrition, physically by being fit, and mentally through meditation. She lived and breathed women’s health. She discovered that she had endometriosis, a chronic disease. Knowing that empowered her. She finally understood her problem.
Kathy asked herself,
“Am I doing everything in my power to change this situation? What variables do I control? What can I improve?” Her diet. No alcohol. No caffeine. Regular sleep. She weeded her biological garden, and voila, she eventually gave birth to a healthy little girl. Bonus bucks: her experience conquering infertility unlocked her voice.
Kathy’s mind has always been filled with methods and perceptions. As a teenager, she recalls looking out the window and reflecting, “People need to hear my thoughts. I have wisdom to share. How can I make this happen?” Fifteen years later, when she was ready to start a podcast, imposter syndrome reared its ugly head.
Self-doubt racked her. “What if I’m exposed as a fraud? What if I’m inadequate?” After a year of fretting, Kathy, being the dynamo she is, decided to “get over herself and just do it.” At thirty-four-years-old, Kathy Mou stepped into her power and started speaking her truth. And she loves it! She gets to meet amazing people and listen to their stories — and share her wisdom. Kathy’s podcast is “Ignite Your Power.”
Each of these women was cruising along their path until the unexpected happened. Interrupted, their world fragmented. Each of them intentionally paused, considered their options, and chose to risk exploring new opportunities. By pausing and pivoting, these extraordinary, ordinary women found purpose.
