Four-year-old Angie started kindergarten ready to take on the world. Her rambunctious spirit, quick wit, and sassy mouth acted like a magnet, and Angie was soon the most popular girl in class — well, except for gym. Every day when the boy leaders got to pick their teams, Angie was the instant pariah, the social outcast, the target for bullying, taunting, and shunning. She was roly-poly, and none of the boys wanted her on their team. No boy ever picked her — the teacher had to make them when she was the leftover. Angie couldn’t understand why this always happened. She didn’t get it! Why was she popular in class, but in gym — whoosh — she was the reject! The bully boys said being fat was contagious. Angie yelled back, “I’m like rubber, you’re like glue. What bounces off me, sticks on you!” Bravado was trying to deflect the hurt seeping inside her young, vulnerable being.
Self-Awareness
The state of our emotional health determines how well we interact with others, including how we take in and respond to feedback and criticism, and how we observe and interpret what others around us are doing and why.
Angie was aware of her abilities (curious, bright, witty, fearless) but oblivious to why people around her reacted the way they did. During primary and secondary school, she was the class clown, bright and funny. But the teachers always dragged her to the principal’s office when she talked back, asked questions, or expressed her opinion. The teachers wanted her to be good, which meant being quiet and compliant. Angie understood that the bullies taunting her had the power to influence the other kids, but she couldn’t understand (interpret) why they were so mean. Despite her efforts to fit in and be friends with everyone, she faced constant criticism and judgment. She couldn’t understand why she was bullied and why the teachers didn’t want to answer her questions.
Everything changed one day in her college speech class. Angie stood up to walk to the front and deliver her speech, but she couldn’t move. Her knees locked, and her feet felt nailed to the floor. Her moment of clarity had frozen her in place — the proverbial penny dropped, and she got it. Angie finally understood that people were judging her when they bullied and snickered. They defined her by her body size, not for her abilities and fun personality. Her natural boldness and confidence instantly seeped out like a balloon stuck with a needle. Whoosh! How did I miss that all these years? Judged by her size, not her innate intelligence, wit, and uncanny ability to contribute. Confidence shattered, Angie took a deep dive into gloom and despair.
Self-love
Loving yourself is not about being selfish or conceited. It’s about accepting and appreciating ourselves for who we are, flaws and all. It means feeling proud and confident that we have integrity and behave with honor and dignity. It means feeling confident in our own worth and abilities, respecting and holding ourselves in esteem. When we love ourselves, we’re less likely to be triggered by the opinions and actions of others. Our boundaries protect us from emotional harm.
Angie realized that although she loved the world, the world didn’t love her. She hated the feeling of being judged, but she would not allow others to define her. She made a conscious decision to define herself. She was going to be bold and happy. It no longer mattered that she was bullied and never picked for a sports team. She would live her life with a Positive Mental Attitude (PMA).
Self-Talk
Cultivating a habit of encouraging and positive self-talk can reshape your self-perception and build confidence. Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck’s book “Mindset” provides a fascinating discussion on two contrasting belief systems: the fixed mindset versus the growth mindset. Over a span of thirty years, her research has shown that the view you adopt for yourself profoundly affects the way you lead your life: “Believing that your qualities are carved in stone—the fixed mindset—creates an urgency to prove yourself over and over again. . . On the other hand, the growth mindset is based on the belief that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts, strategies, and help from others. Although people may differ in every which way—in their initial talents and aptitudes, interests, or temperaments—everyone can change and grow through application and experience.”
Angie realized that she had a choice. She could wake up in the morning and be miserable, or she could start each day determined to have the best day possible. This is Angie’s daily practice, which allows her to live in joy, no matter the curves tossed her way, framed in The Magic of Yes D.R.E.A.M. model.
Desire: Experience every new day as a great day.
Reflect: on the previous day and apologize to anyone, if necessary, to make things right.
Explore: and identify what made yesterday a great day, embracing the power of gratitude.
Acknowledge: what needs to be left behind, to be free from emotional baggage.
Mantra: Am I gonna have PMA or PMS today? I choose PMA — Woohoo!
Today, Angie Giltner is a female Titan, a Master Business Coach, a Brainz Magazine’s Top 500
Global Influencer, and host of the popular podcast “The Girl with Purple Hair Talks Business.”
